I have grown a great deal from my first days in bdsm, I am a very different person than I was then. This last weekend at SouthWest Leather Conference, the theme was fire and I truly burned away much that I have sought to shed from my life, it was truly transformative.

I went with the intention of being single, not so much to look but to BE single. I went with the intention of being open to new things as well as things I normally reject.


I came away not only having done those things fully, but with a new purpose and vision for myself, a renewed vigor that I have not felt before. A strength to engage and deal with issues I have long avoided. To embrace myself with a new found respect and recognize both the things that are great and the places I need to work on humility and grace.

I have long felt the call to teaching, I have taught woodworking for years but I am now going to explore teaching about bdsm and especially relationship issues. My goal is to return what I took home this year in two years hence by teaching at SouthWest, an ambitious goal but one I am going to strive for.

I am going to make some serious changes in my romantic life. I want a lifepartner, one who's goals match mine, with whom I can forge a relationship who's totality is greater than her and I. To do that will require some hard choices, including being alone for whatever time the universe and fate present to me.

I must do so because I am monogamous. All other choices were burned away this weekend. It is who I am. I want one beautiful, glorious, intelligent, loving, open, transparent, and simply amazing woman in my life. I know what having such a woman feels like and I will never ever settle for anything less.

I will embrace myself for whatever time it takes to achieve that. I have never before had the strength of will to do this but I do now. I will learn to enjoy doing things without a partner so that one day I can do them with my only partner.


In all my years in the scene, only one woman has worn my collar about her neck and that was many years ago. I have been with some amazing women in that time but the only way I am going to meet THAT one, is to open myself up that possibility. And again, to do so, some hard, brutally hard choices must be made, but only from hard choices brought about by wise reflection, will fate smile upon me.

I am Transformed...